2007-08-19 - 10:01 a.m.
wow .. have i fucking been in brazil that long that i've forgotten how to type..
hang on .. i need a quick typing lesson to make sure i'm all there..
asdf
the big cat sat on the fat rat
the big cat sat on the fat rat
she sells sea shells by the sea shore
she sells sea shells by the sea whore
close enuf..
i think my typing is healed now..
so you wanna know about the jungle right?... ok well there's a few rules when you're in the jungle..
#1 holes.. cover all your fucking holes. do you really want red ants and caterpillers crawling in your ears or nostrils.. if you don't come equipped with natural mosquito netting, you're gonna want to cover your holes. if i was a girl and i had a vagina, i would just cancel my jungle trip completely because after a week, there will definitely be something living in your pink hotel..and it will bite.. and you will complain.
#2 donkeys.. you will need to ride a donkey for about 12 miles out of the month so tape as many pillows to your ass as possible.. now if you don't already have buns of steel like my precious cargo, you'll want to ...
hold on gotta answer the phone..
ok . it was tony. he wanted me to pick him up at... i didn't get the rest of the message because i hung up at the part where he said.. "hey keeds, i need to go to..." *CLICK*
GET THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE.. DOES MY PHONE LOOK LIKE A FUCKING TAXI SERVICE.. GET YOUR FUCKING REQUESTS BACK ON THE RADIO AND OFF MY PHONE.. THIS IS NOT A FUCKING VH1 SPECIAL TOP 40 REQUEST LINE.. ALL YOUR REQUESTS FEEL LIKE AN OBLIGATION FROM SOME HOT ARGENTINAN GIRL ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SELLING JEWELERY TO HELP HER MOM MAKE THE FUCKING RENT FOR THE NEXT MONTH..SURE I HAVE EXTRA PESOS BUT I'M TRYING TO SAVE THEM FOR THE DONKEY SHOW I'VE NEVER BEEN TO.. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO BE BEGGING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AT THIS EXACT MOMENT IN TIME LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO RESURRECT A DEAD CONSCIENCE IN ME THAT MIGHT HAVE WORKED ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO BEFORE I KNEW ABOUT DARK BLUE AND GOLD NAIL POLISH AND FIRM C CUP TIT SIZES IN CARMEL SKINNED IDIOMS OF TEMPTATION, TRYING TO MILK MY MIND OF ATTENTION, FASCINATION AND SECRET CARNAL LOATHING THAT ONLY THE MOST PRECIOUS OF SKANKY WHORES WHO YOU HOPE ARE NOT SKANKY WHORES CAN DO.. KEEP YOUR FUCKING WIDE EYED HOPE OUT OF MY EYESIGHT AND STOP FUCKING BEGGING ME FOR PESOS JUST SO YOU CAN EAT AND LIVE ANOTHER DAY ... DON'T YOU KNOW THIS MONEY IS GOING TOWARDS THE DUSK HOUR OF A MAN'S MORTAL LIFE UNDER THE BLANKETS?
WHEN YOU QUESTION ME, I HAVE TO TO QUESTION YOU.. IT'S ONLY FAIR. AND U KNOW SINCE DAY ONE THAT I'VE NEVER FOUGHT FAIR BECAUSE LOVE AND WAR ARE TWO VICES I'LL TAKE TO THE GRAVE LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC NURSING A BOTTLE OF RETIRED FRIENDSHIP..
GET BEHIND ME SATANIC 5 YR. OLD BEGGING BITCH IN THE STREET WITH YOUR STRATEGICALLY PLACED SMUDGE OF BROWN ON YOUR FOREHEAD THAT YOU BOUGHT AT BEGGARS 'R' US TO TRY TO CON ME OUT OF MY CONSCIENCE.. I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT.. HAVE ANOTHER DIRT SANDWICH FOLLOWED BY A CHASER OF MALARIA WATER...
IN OTHER WORDS, DON'T FUCKING CALL ME IN THE MIDDLE OF DIARY ENTRY FOR SOME FUCKING STUPID RIDE I DON'T PLAN ON GIVING YOU..
OK TONY?
U FUCKING FAGGOT.
... where was i .. did we get to rule #3 yet ?
