2004-06-22 - 2:46 p.m.
fucking life
this is the last motherfucking survivor..
i just came home from vegas.. up about $100 dollars..
but when things are sliding along, that's when i fucking ...
that's when i know doom is pending..
a little while ago, i found this nest above my porch light .. there were 3 eggs in it..
.. so i started keeping tabs on them and me in my dumb fucking wisdom, lowered the nest so i could see it every day.. then 3 birds hatched.. of course i fucking missed it..but they hatched.. then the birds were being fed by the 2 bigger birds.. and i even taped some of it..
then i went on a 2 day vegas run..
GOD
DAMN
MOTHER
FUCKER
.. and i get back home.. and i fucking go fuck some fucking bitch..
and then i fucking come home and fucking check email for i don't fuckign know how mother fucking long ... and then i fucking have to send some cock sucking mother fucking gameboy fucking cartridge out to some fucking kid on some fucking army base and then i have to package that motherfucker in styrofoam so of course i have TO FUCKING CUT THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING STYROFOAM SO I GO INTO THE FUCKING LIVING ROOM TO LOOKING FOR THE FUCKING GODAMMAN COKAOKC CUKSKCING MOTHER CUKIGNA KNIFE AND THEN I FUCKING GO OUT SIDE THINKING OH YEAH I FORGOT I..'I'LL FEED THE FUCKING DUCKS THOSE FUCKING COCKSCUKERS AND THNE I LLK CECHHCHHK;CJAFD HE.I SAID I'LL GODDAMN FUCKING CHEKC ON THE BABAYB FUCKING BIRDSA ND SEE HOW THEYR'E DOINE..DOING;AFJDSMNKL; DSAJFL; AS;DI CU
GODDAMN DAMMIT UF UCKING COCK SUCKER I TOLD YOU THAT I'LL JUST GO OUTSIDE AND CHECK ONT HE BABY FUCKING BIRDS AND I OPEN THE FUCKIND DOOR AND THE FUCKING NEST IS GONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
GONNNE MOTHERFUCKIENR
GO
O
NE
G
O
N
E
GONE U FUCK
SO I THINK..WHO THE FUCK OWULD STEAL A NEST..AAS;FJD;JDSAF S O I LOOK DOWN AND I SEE A LITTLE BROWN THING ON THE GROUND..WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.. IT LOOKS LIKE BROWN HAY OR SOMETHING..AND THERE'S SOMETHING DOWN THERE.. YEP.
I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS.. IT'S A NEST.. AND LOOK ..WHAT 'S UNDER THE NEST..OH LOOK IT'S BABY FUCKING BIRDS ALL SQUISHED UP LIKE FUCKING PIECES OF LITTLE CHICKEN..
ONE OF THEM LOOKS FUCKING FUCKED UP BEYOND REPAIR BUT HE'S STILL ALIVE S.AND AS I TOSS HIM INTO THE FUCKING RIVER , I HEAR HIM CHIRP LIKE A FUCKING SURVIVOR ..BUT HE'S NOT A SURVIVOR ..HE'S A FUCKING RIVER FUCKING INHABITANT NOW ..ISN'T HE..
AND THE OTHER FUCKER.. HE JUST LOOKS LIKE HE'S IN A FUCKING COMA W/DULL BLACK EYES ..DULL FUCKING LOOK IN HIS FACE.. ID UNNO HOW LONG HE'S BEEN THERE JUST HANGING OUT LIKE A FUCKING NON EATING FUCK.. AND I'M ABOUT TO THROW HIM IN THE RIVER TOO.. AND HE FUCKING STARTS TO MOVE AND HE FLAPS A LITTLE AND RUNS INTO THE CORNER..
SO HE'S FUCKING ALIVE.. SO I PUT THAT FUCK BACK IN THE NEST AND PUT HIM BACK UP THERE...AND I LOOK IN THE BRANCHES AND SEE THE 2 BIG BIRDS HANGING OUT..
I WONDER HOW FUCKIGN LONG THEY WERE HANGING OUT LOOKING AT THE NEST AND JUST HANGING OUT LIKE A BUNCH OF FUCKING BIRDS THAT CAN'T PICK UP A FUCKING NEST..
I WISH I HAD A SCREWDRIVER SO I COULD SHANK THE MOTHERFUCKING COCKSCUEKR WHO TIPPED OVER THE NEST.. LIKE IF IT WAS THE WIND, I WOULD FUCKING SHANK THE WIND LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER ..JUST SHANK SHANK SHANK.. COME HERE U FUCKING WIND...SHANK YOU MOTHERFUCKER..
BUT I HOPE IT WAS SOME LITTLE KID SO I COULD SAY HEY LITTLE GUY..HOW YOU DOING..U LOOKING AT THE BIRDS U FUCK?.. YOU WANNA SEE THE BIRDS UP CLOSE.. HERE TALK TO MY SHANK U FUCKIGN COCKSUCKER..SHANK SHANK SHANK SHANK HSNKAN GET IN THE FUCKING RIVER AND TALK TO THE FISHES U SHANKED UP FUCK.. GET THE FUCK IN THERE U FUCKING SHANKBAG..
MAYBE IT WAS THE DRUNK FAT FUCKING NEIGHBORA ND HER DOG .. MAYBE I NEED TO FUCKING SHANK BOTH OF THEM..OR MAYBE IT WAS THE FUCKING DISCO KIDS AND THEY'RE FUCKING YELLOW HONDA SUZUKI FUCKING YAHAMAHA FUCKING RICE ROCKET MOTORCYCLE MOTHER FUCKERS.. HEY U FUCKING COCKSCUCKERS..YEAH THANKS FOR FEEDING MY FUCKING DUCKS WHEN I DIDN'T FUCKING TELL YOU TO TOUCH THE FUCKING FOOD DID I?..DID I?.. NO YOU FUCKING MORON.. ID IDN'T DID I?...
YEAH HERE FUCKING TOUCH MY MOTHERFUCKING SHANK..YEAH TOUCH THAT YOU FUCKIGN COCKSUCKER...SHANK SHAN KKAHSN;NSFD U FUCK...
PAUSE
P
A
U
S
E
I'LL NEVER FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED.. OR WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 3RD BIRD... DID HE GET FUCKING SHANKED IN PRISON..DID HE CRAWL INTO THE RIVER AND GO FOR A SCUBA DIVE ..DID HE GET EATEN ..IS HE STILL OUT THERE LOOKINGA ROUND.... I TOOK A QUICK LOOK OUTSIDE FOR HIM .. COULDN'T FIND HIM.. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT 3RD MYSTERY BIRD..WHERE ARE YOU U HIDDEN FUCK.. COME BACK HERE..
I DUNO.. NOSF
AOSDJF;KL I DUNNO WHERE THE FUCK HE IS..
FUCK
I WAS GONNA TELL YOUA BOUT ME CRYING AT THE END OF THIS GREAT MOVIE I SAW THAT I THOUGHT WAS FUCKING FAGGOTSEXUAL WHEN I SAW THE FUCKING PREVIEWS FOR IT..BUT D-STRONG WAS OUT FUCKING SOME BITCHES SO I WAS WAITING IN THE HOTEL ROOM AND NOT DOING MUCH SO I TURNED ON THE TV AND THERE WERE SOME FUCKING BLACK ACTORS ON.. AND U FUCKING KNOW HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE BLACK ACTORS CUZ THEY FUCKING STINK.. BUT THERE HE WAS.. LITTLE BOW WOW..AND SOME OTHER NIGGER... SMILING AND BEING ALL NIGGERY.. AND THEN THERE WAS A TOUCHING SCENE AT THE END WHERE THE BIG NIGGER ASKS THE LITTLE NIGGER TO BE HIS SON ..AND THEN SOME FUCKING LITTLE WIGGER COMES OUT AND HE WANTS TO BE A SON TOO ...SO THEN YOU KNOW THE BIGGER NIGGER HAS TO ADOPT HIM TOO..SO HE SAYS H...HEY YOU FUCKING LITTLE WIGGER..U WANAN SUCK MY COCK TOO?..YEAH?.. OKAY GOOD.. LET'S ALL FUCKING HUG AND TOUCH COCKS.. SO I CRIED A LITTLE AT THAT PART.. IT WAS A FUCKING GOOD BOW WOW MOVIE.. I LIKE THAT LITTLE NIGGER NOW.. AND HE HAS A COOL SONG AT THE END THAT GOES .. I'M A HAPPY BOBBY MCFARIN SINGING NIGGER BEAT.. AND I LIKED IT.. SO ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES THAT I WILL NEVER WATCH AGAIN IS BE LIKE MIKE WITH THAT LITTLE UNSHANKED NIGGER, BOW WOW IN IT..
BUT NOW THERE'S NO FUCKING POINT TO TELLING YOU THAT HAPPY STORY.. AND THERE WAS A BUTTON THAT FELL OFF MY NEW BAG SO NOW I GOTTA GO TO OLD FUCKIN NAVY AND TELL THEM TO GIVE ME A NEW FUCKING BAG BEFORE I SHANK THE FUCK OUTTA THEM.. AND I WOKE UP IN VEGAS AND D-STRONG HAD ORDERED TWO FUCKING DUMB NIGGER WHORES FOR FUCKING PURPOSES AT 4AM IN THE MORNING CUZ HE WAS DRUNK LIKE ALKI.. SO I HAVE TO NEGOTIATE WITH THESE FUCKING WHORES AND I HAVE TO TELL D-STRONG WHY YOU DON'T PAY 200 DOLLARS FOR SOME FUCKING DUMB NIGGERS.. AND I TELL THE BITCHES LOOK BITCH.. MAYBE IF YOUR'E A FUCKING 10 , U CAN HAVE 300 DOLLARS FOR A FUCK..BUT FIRST OF ALL , YOU'RE 2 FUCKING NIGGERS.. THAT AUTOMATICALLY PUTS U AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WHORE TOTEM POLE.. SO TAKE THIS 100 DOLLARS AWAY RIGHT OFF THE BAT...NOW WE'RE DOWN TO 200..
NOW LOOK AT THESE FUCKING RANK BITCHES..THEY FUCKING LOOK LIKE MTV HOUSE BITCHES.. THESE FUCKING SKANKS AREN'T EVEN A 7.. SO NOW YOU TAKE OFF 100 MORE DOLLARS.. NOW YOU'RE LEFT W/100 DOLLARS.. YEAH SO YOU CAN FUCK ME FOR 100 DOLLARS U FUCKING NIGGERS?..WHAT...100 DOLLARS FOR JUST A BLOWJOB?..THE FUCK OUTTA MY ROOM U FUCKING DUMB NASTY NIGGER WHORES..
SO THAT'S THE STORY OF HOW I GOT RID OF THE 2 FUCKING NIGGERHOS SO DRUNKEN D-STRONG DIDNT' HAVE TO WASTE HIS MONEY AND WAKE UP IN THE MORNING SAYING , 'HEY WHERE THE FUCK DID MY CASH GO.. OH YEAH I SPENT IT ON 2 FUCKING GHETTO NIGGERS.. SUPER'..
I WANT TO GO LOOK FOR THE 3RD BIRD..BUT I DUNNO WHERE HE IS.. HE COULD BE ANYWHERE..HE'S PROBABLY FUCKING DEAD.. I DUNNO.. I'M NOT TOOFUCKING WELL RIGHT NOW..
HERE'S SOME FUCKING PICTURES.. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH.
OH YEAH..THE BABY BIRD...WHEN I PICKED HIM UP TO THROW HIM BACK INT HE WATER.. HE WAS COVERED WITH MITES OR LITTLE TINY BUGS..AND THEY GOT ALL OVER MY ARMS CUZ I CRUSHED ONE ..THEN I LOOKED AND SAW ANOTHER SO I CRUSHED THAT THEN I LOOK AND MY ARMS HAD ALL THESE LITTLE TINY BUGS SO I SAID.. AGGGGGGGGGGG GET TH FUCK OFF ME U FUCKING BUGS AND I RAN INTO THE SHOWER AND FUCKING SHANKED ALL OF THEM W/IRISH SPRING..
AND THEN I WENT BACK OUTSIDE AND LOOKED AT THE BIRD IN THE NEST AND HE'S FUCKING SITTING THERE LIKE A STATUE AND HE'S GOT BUGS ALL OVER HIM..LITTLE TINY ONES..AND I DON'T KNOW IF HE HAD THEM FROM THE START OF LIFE..OR IF HE GOT THEM AFTER SITTING ON THE FUCKING GROUND FOR YEARS AND HAVING NO PLACE TO GO BUT ENJOY THE BUG PARADE..
FUCKING BIRDS..AND FUCKING HEART
YOU GET ATTACHED TO ANYTHING AND IT WILL FUCKING HAUNT YOU EVENTUALLY..
IT WILL FUCKING HAUNT YOU..
THAT'S WHY MY FAVORITE PETS ARE MY TALKING ALARM CLOCK AND MY BLUE BERRY CHOCOLATES.. I DON'T EVEN TALK TO GAMEBOY ANYMORE.. WE'RE NOT AS CLOSE..
I DON'T FUCKING FEEL WELL AT ALL..
